Thursday Born

The everyday life of a psychiatry resident (who was born on a Thursday).

Archive for August 2009

Change is Hard

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I never really learned how to study. Although this year is technically pass/fail, I’d rather figure this out now than next year, when it “matters more.” It matters now too anyway, because what I’m learning (or trying to learn) is going to be the foundation of the knowledge I need for my career.

Areas I need to work on:

1. Note taking. I’m really bad at this. I know it helps but I have trouble convincing myself that there’s any value in writing down what has been already written for me in a nice simple form. I’m really not a fan of power point lectures; I miss blackboard classes. I think I paid more/better attention when the teacher was writing stuff than when they’re pointing at a screen with a laser.

2. Reading. I’m also bad at reading textbooks. I get sleepy and I lose focus.

3. Working with other people. I’m actually good at this. I’m just bad at… ending up in study groups, I guess. I want to be in one (well, now I do; in college I didn’t really) but I’m not sure how to make it happen. I guess I just ask people, huh? Medical school has put me in this weird place of having to be much more outgoing and social and pro-active than I’m used to being.  Are there fewer extroverts around than I’m used to?

4. Setting up study spaces. I’ve started working on my carrel. Put up a picture of the boy and me from my trip to Turkey this summer. Need to put up a picture of the family and maybe the bird. I think that’ll make it personal enough to start with. I really need to clear off my desk in my bedroom at home and get that set up too. Reading textbooks in a big, comfortable armchair is really not helping with the not falling asleep while reading.

5. Better time management. I’m decent at this but I could be even better. Too often I find myself neither studying nor doing other things I really want to do, and instead I just waste my time on the internet not actually even having all that much fun.

You might think, “Wow. That’s a lot to work on. She’s doomed for failure,” but I think I can do it. I’ve come a long way already and made some positive changes, or I wouldn’t be in medical school at all. I just need to keep working on it, and maybe work on it a bit faster.

Written by Aba

August 31, 2009 at 12:40 am

Posted in Uncategorized

The widening gap between doctor and patient

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I was standing in Walgreens one day when a somewhat overweight teenage girl approached me and asked me if I exercise.

“No, not really.”

“Well do you know anything about this acai berry thing? Oprah says it helps you lose weight.”

… “I don’t know anything about it, but you know, none of that stuff works. You just need to eat right and exercise.”

“But it’s hard!” And she wandered off in search of someone else to tell her that yes, she should buy that supplement and yes, it will magically help her lose weight.

It’s funny though, because she was looking for people who exercise to tell her about this. She was targeting skinny people because she assumed they must exercise and must know about health stuff, and yet she also believed that she too could be slim not by exercising, but by swallowing a few pills.


My medical school class is surprisingly athletic and healthy. Never before have I been with a group of peers who complained about free pizza and soda. Free pizza and soda!

This worries me a little, in a roundabout way. I worry about their ability to empathize with the every day American, the “common folk,” and also the poor who never had the resources to even think of trying rock climbing or ultimate frisbee, who think they can’t afford anything but pizza and hamburgers and soda. My class seems open minded and empathetic, and over a third of us did a Public Health pre-orientation program to introduce us to our new city and it’s myriad problems.

Still. I worry. The obesity/diabetes/high blood pressure/etc problem is, well, it’s a serious one, but there’s a huge gap between the way doctors see it, and the way the people with “the problem” see it. It’s a health issue, but I’m not sure tackling it as a health issue is the way to go. It’s also a psychology issue. A socio-economic and cultural issue. A government subsidized crops issue. A society drenched in consumerism issue (try this diet! No, this one! Buy my book! Buy my supplements!). The one approach I have seen that I think could really work is the Health At Every Size movement (not to be confused with the Fat Acceptance movement; they share some roots and the cultures mix a bit, but they are not one and the same), but it’s not marketable. It’s not flashy and it doesn’t promise to “fix” your body; all it claims is that it can help you be healthy, and maybe that will mean losing weight and maybe it won’t.

So as idealistic and hopeful as my class is, I worry that when the time comes, we all will fall victim to the culture at large, and despite our intentions to be a positive force, we will simply become a new part of the problem. Unable to connect with our patients who don’t understand that juice is not healthy,  and who take elevators when they need to go up one floor. Unable to connect with the patients who don’t have time to cook because they’re holding too many jobs and they can’t afford the ingredients anyway, or the patients who actually are eating right and exercising but have a disorder that’s causing the weight gain.

I worry that we will become the doctors who just  say, “You need to eat right and exercise,” as I did to that girl in Walgreens. It doesn’t matter how true something is if it doesn’t work. I hope at least that none of us will be the doctors who actively alienate their patients, who treat the overweight ones with contempt and ridicule. Shame is not a positive changing force for the majority of people.

Written by Aba

August 29, 2009 at 10:28 am

Finding my voice

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As much as I love the idea of keeping physical journals, I’m terrible at writing regularly enough. But typing? Typing I can handle. At about 14 (after many failed “Dear Diary” attempts at many younger ages), I discovered online journals, and I’ve kept a private one ever since.

This blog exists now because part of me has always wanted to write to a larger audience. It took me a while to decide whether I was going to blog publicly through medical school (and beyond?), and I took too long making this decision. It should have been obvious to me that I would, in the end. After years of writing sloppily for myself, the challenge of writing thoughtfully for others is a refreshing one.

That decision made, I struggled for a while over whether this blog would be anonymous or not. Anonymity is safe, or at least, it feels safe. Hidden, you can say the things you want to say that you don’t want associated with who you really are. It was tempting, but I realized that I’m not interested in being that kind of “blogger”. I’m interested in blogging to say, “This is me. These are my thoughts,” and I can’t do that well while hiding behind a false persona.

So welcome to my blog! My name is Aba, I’m 22 years old, and I just started medical school (second week of classes just ended). I graduated from Undergrad in 2008, and for the past year I worked in a Neuropathology research lab.

I have three older brothers, approximately eight, seven, and four years older than me. My parents are alive and well and still married to each other. I do not live in the same state as my boyfriend, and am not generally in the same country (or continent) as my best friend (or my parents, or the majority of my extended family, save for my brothers). My roommate is a graduate student I went to undergrad with, and I have a parrot, a Green Cheek Conure, named Chu, who does not particularly like my rooommate, or anyone but me.

The rest will come naturally.

Enjoy.  (:

Written by Aba

August 29, 2009 at 3:26 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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