Thursday Born

The everyday life of a psychiatry resident (who was born on a Thursday).

Archive for June 7th, 2010

No Time for Being Scared

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For a long time, I was drawn to medical culture (and many other professional cultures). I liked to watch shows related to it, liked to read about it, liked a lot of people involved in it. For a long time though, I didn’t realize that I could legitimately be a part of it, that I could make it my reality. And here I am, done with my first year of medical school.

So now I’m thinking, maybe I was also wrong for all those years to think that those other things I was drawn to were impossible dreams. I actually did well in the Intro to Programming class I took. Maybe I shouldn’t have been intimidated and should have taken more classes? (although honestly, I didn’t have the time; I had a full course load throughout). I didn’t realize it then but I know now that a little bit of proficiency, if not outright skill, in that area would actually be valuable, even as a doctor.

I’m easily intimidated by being around people who know more than me or who are better than me at doing something (as arrogant as this may sound, I’m simply not used to it enough. Yet). If I’m taking the intro level class as a Sophomore, but there’s people who are freshman who are already taking classes at a much higher level than I am, how could I ever possibly hope to be useful with these skills?

In some settings, people can be really good at making me feel at ease with the skill gap, allowing me to learn at my own pace. But sometimes it’s too much and I get overwhelmed and withdraw before I figure out that with time and effort, I could get there too someday, and it’s okay to be a beginner for a bit. It’s as though I feel that, well, She’s much better at doing Skill A than I will ever be, so I might as well just let her do Skill A and I’ll find something else to do I guess. Sometimes it’s as simple as a fear of failure, or a matter of pride.

I’m trying to shake this way of thinking, because if I don’t do it myself, third year and residency are going to beat it out of me. I won’t have time to be flustered about my lack of skill, and if I get too intimidated to learn I’m just not going to be a good doctor. But I know I can, and will!, be a good doctor.

And maybe I can apply this to other things too, because life doesn’t stop outside of my career.

Written by Aba

June 7, 2010 at 5:49 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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