Thursday Born

The everyday life of a psychiatry resident (who was born on a Thursday).

Archive for December 24th, 2010

Everything’s OK – Reverb 10, Day 24

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What is Reverb10?

December 24 – Everything’s OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead? (Author: Kate Inglis)

Everything isn’t going to be alright. Life will be alright in the end, I think, because a lot of what makes life okay is attitude and outlook. Moving on and embracing life in the face of failure, tragedy and death.

But everything? No, every little thing isn’t going to be alright. What’s alright is that I’m going to keep trying to be okay even though every little thing isn’t. And some big things too.

There’s been a lot of moments this year that had the “Everything is definitely going to be okay!” feeling. Moments wrapped in feelings of love and safety and pride and accomplishment. Passing a class I really struggled with. Getting honors in a class I studied thoroughly for and actually understood. Realizing that I definitely can do this whole medical school thing, and well!

But then later comes the realization that it was just a moment. School is a tangible thing, but other aspects of life are murky. A few good hours are in no way a promise that things will always be that way. You can fall in love and get married, but no one can tell you how long you will have together, no one can tell you that when they walk out that door, they’re coming back. (I went through a phase in life where every time someone left the house, I wondered if that was the last time I’d see them. I didn’t panic each time; I was just coming to terms with the concept).

For me, it’s not about moments giving me a false sense of security. It’s about moments motivating me to keep going.  Maybe later in life I will have some proof moments, but right now my life is all about earning the state of okay. Okay is taking work. Okay is taking commitment. Okay is taking trust and faith. Okay is not a pre-defined equation just waiting to be solved.  I’m still figuring out what the equation is.

This post brought to you by the realization that I couldn’t use the moments I wanted, those happy fuzzy warm moments, as proof that everything will be okay, not only because some are too personal for the direction of this blog, but because I don’t believe that they’re proof.

In other news, my niece’s adorableness factor has increased by like a thousand now that she can walk. I didn’t think she could get that much cuter, but I was so, so wrong.

Written by Aba

December 24, 2010 at 2:02 pm

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